"HELP! HELP! A giant dog is trying to sell me insurance!"
Mister Miracle (vol. II) #6
"History is made by national leaders doing stupid things."
"Look at all those armored cars! Do you really think they keep the money in the bank when they're moving it through the air?"
they would in Central City!"
Blue Devil #8
"Buddy boy, you've got a lot to learn about this business! Most super-heroes never reveal their names!"
"We all have people we care about -- and our enemies could strike at us through them! Even with all my power, I couldn't prevent that if my identity were known!"
"Sounds kinda paranoid to me!"
Blue Devil #4
I needed to civilize the Ith'kaans. I secured their cooperation with a simple display of telekinesis. Then I bestowed what gifts I had to offer. From fire to mining to metallurgy to industrial processes to chemistry, until, at last, we had a space program.
You industrialized a tribal society in six months?
They were slow learners.
R.E.B.E.L.S. '95 #11
Clark Kent: "Look at the time you'd be giving up. Look at what's to come. We're a people who are exploring the universe for the first time, in our time. No one else will ever get to do it for the first time. Do you want to miss all that?"
Action Comics Weekly #642
Booster Gold: "What happened to you? Last we saw, you were moving like the world's fastest gutter ball."
Flash: "Through the kitchen, past the freezer, out the back---BA-BOOM! By the time my feet hit the ground, I was in the parking lot
cutting through the dumpster like a straw in a hurricane. I gotta tell you
if not for my sudden stop, I'd have bounced right into the East River and drowned!"
Booster Gold: "You were in the parking lot? Did you see the car? Is it okay?"
Flash: "Are you kidding? That car saved my life!"
Justice League Quarterly #10
WOW! Are you ever a crazy mixed-up kid!"
Detective #380, October 1968
Superman: "More than anyone in the world, when you scratch away everything else away from Batman, you're left with someone who doesn't want to see anybody die."
Kingdom Come #4
Robin: "Batgirl--Get over here--Help us! We've got a problem!"
Batgirl: "I have a bigger one -- A run in my tights!"
Crook(distracted): "What a pair of gams!"
Robin: "Batgirl's femininity gave us a break this time!"
Batman: Evidence suggests Varga was thrown from the ship by a meta human with superhuman strength and invulnerability.
Jim Gordon: You're not saying Superman--?!
Batman: Jim, if Superman threw Varga, the body'd be in Seattle.
Suicide Squad #40
Chase: "What are you talking about?"
Bolt: "C'mon, lady. Roswell, 1947. Ring any bells? Don't tell me you don't know about it."
Chase: "Oh, please. Everyone knows it was just a crashed Dominator scout-ship. Haven't you seen pictures of the debris?"
Bolt: "Like I don't know a cover story when I hear one. So what really happened? Huh? You can live in the dark lady, but you can't keep the truthburied forever."
John Smith: "First we're going to take Traya for a ride in a hot-air balloon
Traya: "Wow! I've seen those balloons
but I've never been up in one!"
John Smith: "Neither have I."
Kathy Sutton: "Aw, you fly all the time."
John Smith: "Well, yes, but there's got to be a difference between being borne aloft by a cyclone and riding in a balloon
and I'm eager to try it!"
Red Tornado #4
Flash (on Adam Strange): "Wow. One guy against an entire race of invaders
and he beat them by outthinkingthem. And I thought Batman was good."
JLA (third series) #21
Green Lantern Quarzz Teranh lies dying after
his single-handed battle with a black hole. The Guardians have told him
that even if he survives he will be unable to continue as a Green Lantern.
Quarzz Teranh: "G-guardians
! It s-shall soon
Lies Quarzz there!"
Ghr'll: "Aye Xylpth
his aura still glows! Quarzz
Quarzz Teranh: "I-I yet live, friend Ghr'll"
Xylpth: "Live yet still, brother. Guardians heal perhaps."
Quarzz Teranh: "No, good Xylpth! L-leave me
where I-I lie. I-I
t-the s-stars, my friends. Leave m-m
Green Lantern #151
Capt. Marvel: "I did say 'Sorry,' sir. There's no reason for us to fight."
Lobo: "In case ya hadn't noticed, geek -- yer a square-jawed, short-back-an' sides, goody-goody FEEB! Even if ya hadn't fell on m' head, that's reason enough for me! Now
Capt. Marvel: "No."
Lobo: "You broke my chain! You broke my chain? YOU BROKE MY CHAIN!"
Capt. Marvel: "You heartless swine! You care more for cold steel than for your own hapless victims! It is not often I am roused to anger, but you have succeeded!"
Martian Manhunter: "You'll have to excuse me for a moment, Captain."
Captain Atom: "Where are you going?"
Martian Manhunter: "I need to find a quiet room in which
to practice an ancient martian meditation technique."
Captain Atom: "Oh really? What is it?"
Martian Manhunter: "It's called screaming"
Captain Atom: "Oh, yeah
I know that one. Mind if I join you?"
Ensign: "Cytothex 3 destroyed, Admiral"
Alien Admiral: "Very good, ensign."
2nd Officer: "Seems a sort of pity, sir. Was a lovely planet
in an alien way, of course. And it's unfortunate that we had to destroy
what? 3 billion
4 billion sentient beings?"
Alien Admiral: "Of course, of course. One never likes having to do that, number two. But the alternative
to simply let the zuggernaut run free
chance it coming to our planet
well, that's simply not to be endured!"
2nd Officer: "No, no. Of course not, sir! I simply regret the necessity."
Alien Admiral: "Your sensitivity speaks well of your upbringing, number two."
Black Manta: You always deny me the power I crave.
This (underwater) city shall be the basis for a new empire over which I alone shall rule
I've recruited enough of my own people to serve that purpose.
Aquaman: Your people? Surface dwellers?
Black Manta: No, I mean exactly what I said: 'my people.' Or have you never wondered why I'm called - - Black Manta? Not that racism is my motive - - but since blacks have been suppressed for so long on the surface, they fight well for a chance to be 'masters' below!
Adventure Comics #452
Captain Atom: "I've got to get in there!"
Catherine Cobert: "Wait! We don't want to panic the children."
Captain Atom: "Don't worry -- I know just what to tell them."
Catherine Cobert: "In FRENCH?"
Captain Atom: "Don't worry -- I can handle it!"
Captain Atom (in French): "Boys and girls -- Six dwarves are eating my aunt's toenails!"
French Children: "Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Justice League Europe #13
Fire : "There's something I wantto talk to you about
Nuklon : Um
before I can concentrate, there's one thing I have to ask you."
Fire : "To help you concentrate, Albert? Name it."
Nuklon : "Could you please zip up your clothes?"
really flattered. But I'm going to marry a Jewish girl."
: "Who is she?! "
Nuklon : "I haven't met her yet!"
Fire : "You--?! What is this, some kind of arranged marriage thing?"
Nuklon : "No, no, no! I mean I don't know who I'll marry yet. I just know she'll have to be Jewish. You see, it isn't just my happiness that matters. I owe something to my family
to my heritage. I'm like a link in a chain. I can't be the one to break that chain. So
I"m sorry, Bea. Unless you want to convert?!"
Fire : "No, no. I hate to think how many hail marys I'd have to say for that."
Justice League America #95
Impulse: "I'm confused."
Impulse: "It's just
I thought you were a hero. A kind of hero, anyway. Always seeking the truth
Impulse: "Isn't that your trademark? But I thought you didn't have a face
Riddler: "I am not THE QUESTION!"
Riddler: "I've planted a bomb just like this one under the porch of one house in this fair burg! In two minutes it'll go off! I've brilliantly condensed the clues to where it is into six rhymed couplets and you need only to solve themto find the bomb. So riddle me this -- What is both red and green, black and white, walks by day and runs by night, never drinks but always drunk -- HEY! "
Impulse: (Appears holding the bomb.) "I just looked
under every porch intown until I found it."
The Red Bee: "The one time me and Jack's dad teamed up
he had a
rod drawing power from the stars
and I had two trained bees. And
he still treated me like an equal."
Batman: "You say Deever eliminates competition for Roland Desmond."
Nightwing: "And it's no coincidence that 'Lunchmeat' [Deever] is into lunchmeat. Unless you like cufflinks in your liverwurst."
Batman: "I think I'll reconsider vegetarianism."
Cahill: (sings)"Oh, I've never been further east than the Bronx, but Ireland's where me heart is
Nat the Hat: Sean digs this?"
Tommy Monaghan: "An' he knows I hate it."
Cahill: "Thank you very much! What a crowd. By God! Ah-One, Two, Three, Four -- Oh, they came in our village at break of dawn and stole away our potatoes -- Oh
Those British Soldiers with horses and guns, they stole away our potatoes -- Oh!"
Tommy: "I can't believe this. I can't believe everyone buys into this fake shamrock crap
Nat the Hat: "You be surprised."
Cahill: "Join in if you know
Baytor: "I am O'Baytor"
Batman: "In fact, the only absolute fact I was able to glean from this thing
is that you're Clark Kent."
(Thought) "Blast! That's the one thing I didn't expect him to be able to deduce from that mystery book. Maybe I should have enlisted the help of the world's second greatest detective!"
Adventures of Superman #440
Doctor Jackson : "Professor Haddock, these -- these notes of yours!
Do you know exactly what it is you've done?"
Prof. Haddock: "Created a revolutionary new technology, of course."
Doctor Jackson : "Yes, but how, professor? What's all this Latin text printed on ancient parchment? And this diagram marked 'Para-Geometrical Layout Of The Nine Levels Of Everlasting Damnation'? And what about this. 'I pledge my eternal soul to the many-angled ones in return for the bounty of knowledge that they grant me.' With your signature after it?"
Sean (pointing to beer pitcher): "Listen, I gotta go to the men's room and fill this, okay?"
Sixpack: "An' I mean when you think about it: superness,
nocturnal mammals, women, fish, green stuff, mars or fast things - wherever the trouble arises, the JLA have got it covered!"
Lobo: "No one questions th' gender o' the Main Man an' lives
to tell th' tale! Whoever ya are, ya hume bastich -- consider yerself fragged!"
Lobo: "An' who the hell welded this fraggin' dog to my
Hitman: "Go ahead. But the next time you're fightin' Superman,
don't be too surprised if he's laughin' his ass off."
All taken from Hitman-Lobo: That Stupid Bastich
Slag: "Look! It's a kid in red and green tights! Let's surrender! "
Young Justice #27
Jim Rook (Nightmaster): "I feel like a character from Howard or Tolkein. Pretty soon, though, I'm gonna wake up and find this is a spaced out dream. And I'm gonna swear off reading
Black Canary: "Speaking as a newcomer, I love the idea of working with more experienced
people. It'd almost be like the old Justice Society of America. "
Lantern: "That's a thought. We could call ourselves Justice Society II."
"Uh uh. We need something more contemporary. Catchier. Something like
Black Canary: "Nah. People would
confuse us with the other guys. You know
John Steed and Emma Peel."
Secret Origins #32
Syonide: "I am the greatest hunter the world will ever see! I've mastered every known tracking skill! Do you think I would actually consent to be a common killer--for any price?"
"Your consent has little to do with it, actually. No...you're not a killer, are you? You've merely
amassed a fortune by stalking your victims and then handing them over for others to slay! Your hypocrisy
sickens even me, you poor excuse for a man!"
Black Lightning (1978) #7
Jack Ryder : "If we as a society sanction the arrest of an automobile, aren't we inviting the eventual incarceration of our toasters, our waterbeds, even our adjustable showerheads with the magic massage setting?"
--- commenting on Ambush Bug's arrest
of a Buick
Action Comics #565
Lois Lane : "Clark -- I, I don't believe it! "
Clark Kent :
"That you want to rush into my arms and kiss me?"
Lois : "No, you big lug! Look! Up in the sky...! "
Clark : "Great Scott! This is certainly a job for
Superman! Up, up, and away! "
DC Comics Presents Annual #1 (and many others!)
Chief Zendak : "Superman asks you to hold a prisoner, you put him in a fish tank,
are surprised when he breaks loose....and now you say you have the situation taken care of! Tell me
Porcupine Pete : "I promise we'll get him, Chief. Remember, the Substitute Heroes are supposed to go into action while the real Legion's away! We're going all-out -- We even called in our new auxilary! "
Superman : "A-Auxilary...?"
Porcupine Pete : "Yeah! They're great!"
Infectious Lass : "Er - They're heroes who weren't quite ready for membership in the Substitute Heroes yet!"
Chief Zendak : "Not...ready...for ...membership...in ...the... Substitute...Heroes. Lord give me strength! "
DC Comics Presents #59
Hans von Hammer : What is it that we do, exactly? Every day, the Americans and ourselves, we climb as high and as far as our machines will take us.
"To the very limits of human achievement. To the gates of heaven
"And we try to kill each another.
"We stain the sky. We fight a war in heaven."
Enemy Ace: War in Heaven #2
Dr. William Marston Moulton (Wonder Woman's creator) : "Give young boys an alluring
woman stronger than themselves to submit to and they'll be proud to become her willing slaves."
Page 98 of The Classic Era of American Comics by Nicky Wright. Prion Books Limited,
Ultra the Multi-Alien : I've somehow become an alien too -- four of them! And...and I'm using each one's fantastic powers to beat them off--
"I....I don't know what you characters did to me, but it's the
last time you'll try it on anyone!
"I'm going to play a little game of Earth bowling with the pack
"Strike! That'll take care of you fugitives from a nightmare!"
Mystery In Space #103
Robin : "Don't you go high-hat on me, Speedy! Why Green Arrow's nothing but Batman with a bow and arrow!."
All-Star Squadron #31
Beth: " Well, go on, Torcher. Say something!"
Torcher: " Now?"
Snapper Carr: " Now. "
Torcher: " Mortal, you will satisfy my craving for stimulants
or I will extract your kidneys from your corpulent mass with my razor-sharp..."
Snapper: " No, no, no! Like this. Watch!"
Snapper: " He wants a double espresso"
Riker: " Well, he's getting decaf"
Vandal Savage: "You have no idea whom you're up against, do you old
man? I was using a sword a thousand years before you were born!"
SFX: KLANG! KLANG!
Vandal Savage: "Give up and I might let you live!"
Bat Lash: "Savage, you'redumber than veal if you think I believe that!
Still, Lord knows you make a right fair dance partner!"
SFX: KLANG! FWUMP! AGGHH!
Bat Lash: "Like Momma Lash always said: Pick 'em homely and stupid
and keep 'em waltzin' close!"
Bat Lash: "Reckon you fit the bill on all accounts!"
Guns of the Dragon #4
Issue # -1
Merryman : " Welcome to limbo! You know, I didn't think you'd be back here quite so soon."
Animal Man : " Back? What do you mean, "back"? I haven't been here before."
Merryman : " Of course you have! You just don't remember! No one remembers limbo once they've left it."
Animal Man : " What is this place?"
Merryman : "I just told you: It's limbo. Comic book limbo .... See, this is where all the old characters end up. The ones nobody cares about anymore. You know, the dumb ones and the old fashioned ones. "
Animal Man #25
Wonder Woman : " J'onn, I was a member of the Justice League back then and I don't remember anything like that story happening! "
J'onn J'onzz : " It does not matter. It was an amusing story
and it had a point to make. A good tale is its own justification - true or not. "
Martian Manhunter #24
Issue # 43
Colleen : " Did they really take you down to pediatrics?"
Vext : " They, uhh.. I was today's safety 'no-no'"
Collen : " 'No-no?'"
Vext : " The..the bad example. They, umm.. A puppet berated me for --
Colleen : " A puppet. "
Vext : " Mr. Careful. I was Mr. Careless. When the... When Mr. Careful was done, they all... They sang a song about how... How careless I was. Then they, umm.. They took me in for...
to have it removed."
Vext #3, regarding Vext accidentally screwing a U-bolt to his forehead
Detective Cole : "Dressing up like birds to fight crime? His wife, too? That's a little kooky, ya ask me."
Detective Simmons : "Hate to admit it, Commish, but he's got a point."
Commissioner Emmett : "Believe me, I felt exactly as you did when I first met Midway's resident aliens. But in all my years on the force, I've never seen two officers more devoted to their work than Hawkman and Hawkgirl."
Legend of the Hawkman #2
Maximillian G'odd : "There are three types of people in the galaxy. Leaders... followers... and Lobo."
L.E.G.I.O.N. '91 # 34
Barracuda : "You fared well against my comrade, Uncle Sam, but you'll taste death from the Barracuda!"
Uncle Sam : "Dagnabbit, sonny! When're you villains going to realize I embody the Spirit of America? And that's no easy thing to kill!"
Freedom Fighters #9
: " Two months ago, a leap like this might have crippled me! And as for running faster than a hopped-up Packard, that's something I never even dreamed about before! "
"It'll take time to get used to all this muscle, but somehow, I don't think I'm going to mind the effort!"
Steel: The Indestructible Man #2
King Peacock : "This is the death of Baldur you're investigating?"
Syn : "Yeah. What's so funny?"
King Peacock : "Well, Gods are eternally recurring symbols. They're stories. The death of Baldur's been going on since before time... and it will happen again tomorrow."
Smax : "Let me get this straight: We're not busting anybody because they eternally murder people?"
King Peacock : "Not unless you want eternal paperwork."
Top Ten #7
Captain Cold : " I promise you... I'll take these idiots out before they can blink. You forget I'm used to dealing with someone that moves at the speed of light?
Then I'll come after you. Shove this gun down your throat and freeze you from the inside out. "
Flash #182 (3rd series)
Woman: "You never gave me the time of day! Not once! But check out the goods now, Kyle! You'll be regretting passing me up for the rest of your life! "
Kyle Rayner: "You hated me. You always hated me!"
Woman: "I was playing hard to get, you imbecile! "
Kyle: "In the yearbook, you put one of your hobbies as 'Hating Kyle Rayner.'"
Woman: "Exactly! How many more signals does a chick need to send?"
Green Lantern #153
Jack Knight : "Now... I call the shots. I'm only letting you tag along because of my Dad."
Star Spangled Kid : "Why are all you old superheroes so cranky?"
Jack Knight : "Old?"
Star Spangled Kid : "You must be at least thirty! "
Stars & S.T.R.I.P.E. #0
General Jeb Stuart: "I think you should ask one question: What did your brother
Hawk: "I can't... can't think of a thing, sir. Don always
took care of things. Cleaned up the loose ends. I just think he died too soon."
General Stuart: "Don't measure his life by time. Measure it by his deeds."
Hawk and Dove Annual #1 (1990)
David R. Black is Fanzing.com's
magazine editor and chief archivist. A big fan of "The Warlord," he has a cat
named Shakira and is looking for a girlfriend named Tara....