Too Many Long Boxes!

End of Summer

There's Something
About Nightwing

by Matt "Stars" Morrison

Nightwing Collections
Rough Justice
A Knight in Bludhaven
Ties That Bind
Love and Bullets
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Almost everyone loves Dick, and all those who love Dick have got to have Dick, no questions asked. I'm talking about Dick Grayson. Nightwing himself. Everyone loves the guy, and why not? He's a man's man, a cool older brother and Don Juan. The epitome of everything a man wants to be and everything a woman wants in a man.

We are however facing a serious crisis in the DCU. Dick is getting too big. Seriously. Nightwing is usually doing a cameo in at least one Batman book a month. He was a member of the Titans last time I checked. And then there is his own monthly series, which is one of DC's most consistent best sellers. In his own series, Dick has just become a cop in Bludhaven; part of an attempt to get inside the corrupt department and see how much good he can do as a recognized officer of the law. And the plots of Nightwing have become so huge that they've spilled over into "Birds of Prey" to the point that it's practically a second Nightwing title.

Now, I'm no expert about the cop's life. All I know I know from a lifetime of watching every cop show since Hill Street Blues and reading a few true-crime novels. And Detective Comics, of course. But I do believe that becoming a cop is a full time job. Cops are expected to be able to go on duty at a moments notice. Moreover, rookies tend to get stuck with the worst shifts; and that means usually, night-shift.

Now, let's taken it as given that Dick has been showing spending a good deal of time going up to Gotham to help out with things there. Moreover, he also has to go up to New York to the Titans Tower to deal with business there…not to mention wherever the Titans have to go around the globe…or outside the globe.

My point is that we're pushing the envelope of credibility with the idea that Dick can do all he does. Dick can't work a job that is as high demand as that of a police officer, do his regular nightly vigilante act in Bludhaven, make the occasional jaunt up to Gotham to help out when Joker escapes, fly to New York to pull monitor duty at the Titans Tower and then fly off to fight supervillains in Africa. He isn't Superman, folks. He's just Superman's favorite nephew.

And let's not even go into the obvious problems with the fact that Dick works relatively unnoticed in Bludhaven while leading one of the more prominent superhero teams there is. I mean, short of the Gotham press having a complete shut out on all superhero news, there is no way that SOMEBODY wouldn't have made the connection between some guy named Nightwing on the streets in Bludhaven and the one leading a fairly public team of heroes.

No, let's talk about the one thing more conflicted than Dick's work life; his love life. At one point, Dick had romantic fires kindling with nearly half a dozen women across various titles. He was falling for Huntress (the Batman books at the end of "No Man's Land"), interested in his landlord Clancy and Barbara Gordon (Nightwing) and had semi-flirtatious relationships with Troia, Starfire and Jesse Quick in the Titans. Thankfully most of these have either come to naught, as in the case of the Titans, or been retconned completely out of existence in the case of Huntress. Still, is it any wonder that Greg Rucka said as he stepped into the Bat-books that he saw Dick Grayson as "a major horndog"?

The sad fact is that the writers love Dick just as much as fictional superheroines and they all want to use him. Well, somebody has got to give up on Dick before Dick gets exhausted and overexposed. Nobody wants Dick like that, least of all us loyal Dick-heads…or Wingnuts…or whatever we call ourselves.

Maybe Cadmus could clone Dick. That way there could be plenty of Dick to go around. Because one thing is for certain…we don't want Dick getting stretched too thin. He couldn't work well then, as a character. Regardless, something must be done soon before Dick gets too big to handle.

This will be Matt's last column with us at Fanzing. Somehow, Wizard Magazine got a hold of this article before we went to press and they have hired Matt as the head of their humor department. We wish Matt the best in his new career as the Director of Intellectual Comedy Knowledge, as he is the most qualified man to hold the title of D.I.C.K. we all know.

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