by David R. Black
To whom it may concern,
Fanzing is supposedly a "family friendly" web site, right? Well, then if that's the case, explain to me why your mascot has no pants! You're dealing in Fuzzball pornography, pal. I shudder to think at all the impressionable young minds that you have permanently poisoned. Kids shouldn't be exposed to stuff like that. Shame on you.
-- Amy McGrouff email@example.com
Hey, Amy, lighten up! The Fuzzball's not naked, he's just really hairy, and all that hair covers up the clothes he's wearing. Kinda like Cousin Itt on "The Addams Family."
Thanks for last month's great review of Justice League Task Force #21 and #22. I'm overjoyed that somebody other than me has fond memories of the time the JLTF took on Count Chocula. Sugar loaded, rot your teeth, hyperactive kiddie cereals like the Count's are going the way of the dodo in our increasingly health conscious society, so I think putting the review in your "Affirmative Action" issue was the appropriate thing to do.
Maybe you can review other cereal-to-comics crossovers like the time Boo Berry fought the Teen Titans. I think Fruit Brute, Frankenberry, and Yummy Mummy also made appearances in comics, but I can't recall where.
-- Calvin Veeters firstname.lastname@example.org
Now there's an idea - an issue devoted to sugary kiddie cereals and the characters that hawk them! Whaddya think readers? Speaking of future themes......
I just read your recently released list of upcoming issues, and I was disappointed to discover that you won't be doing a Lex Luthor month. Lex made his debut in 1940's Action Comics #23, and this year marks his 60th anniversary. Since you've done issues celebrating the 60th anniversaries of Batman and Superman (and are planning to do one for Wonder Woman), why not Lex? Are you guys biased against him because of his affiliation with the Tomorrow Party, or what? C'mon!
-- Harry Talbot email@example.com
No, we're not biased for or against the policies of the Tomorrow Party, Harry. But we must point out that, being the year 2001, this year marks Lex's 61st anniversary, not his 60th. Who celebrates a 61st anniversary, anyway? But since I'm a nice guy, maybe we can shoehorn something about Lex into next month's issue.
For David R. Black:
Reading through your "Warlord Reading Guide" article in Fanzing #0, I came across an error. In page nine, paragraph three, line five, you misspelled Mike Grell's last name. It's Grell with two L's, not one. Even though you spelled his name correctly elsewhere in the article, this just goes to show how careless and thoughtless you really are. This error ruined the whole article for me.
-- Anonymous firstname.lastname@example.org
<sigh> I tried, I really tried.....And yours was the only letter we received on the whole issue.....<ahuh> <ahuh> <sob>
Michael Hutchison replies:
That does it! Nobody gets away with making my fiction editor cry! Anonymous, I sentence you to an eternity of dancing the jitterbug with fat women (or fat men, if you're a woman)!
Dear Mr. Piper,
I ordered two cases of pickled peppers from your company three months ago, and I have yet to receive them. I heard that your hand picked produce was superior to all other brands, but now I'll never find out firsthand since you won't ship them to me. Please send me a full refund, plus shipping and handling.
-- Megan Edminston email@example.com
Huh? How'd we get this? <whisper><whisper> Oh! Lady, you want Peter Piper, not the Pied Piper. Pied Piper plays piccolo. Peter Piper picks pickled peppers. The Wonderland storyline in Flash must've confused you.
Roses are red
-- Russell Smith, age 7 firstname.lastname@example.org
Thanks Russell! And thanks for the great drawing of you, your cat, and Batman. We'll put it in this issue's Sector 2814 art gallery.
David R. Black is Fanzing.com's magazine editor and chief archivist. A big fan of "The Warlord," he has a cat named Shakira and is looking for a girlfriend named Tara....
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This piece is © 2000 by David R. Black.
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DC characters are used here in fan art and fiction in accordance with their generous "fair use" policies.
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