Too Many Long Boxes!

End of Summer

Why Do Archers

Get All the Hot Chicks?

by Andrew Pellerito

I have a theory that time and again plays through my mind. Please don't judge my mind on what I am about to say. Sometimes it doesn't know any better. Hoping my name doesn't become synonymous with stupidity, but a risk I will take none-the-less, I'll just state my case and let you be the judge.

Why is it in comics that archers always get the hot chicks?

Green Arrow and Black Canary

art by Kevin A Voith (pencils) and Carlin Trammel (colors)

I know, you are looking at me and saying "Dude, that is just nonsense", that the fine looking bowmen of the DC Babe-a-verse doesn't get any more sweet caresses and soft kisses than any of our other tight-fitting gimmicky heroes of the day. Sure, Supes has Lois, Bruce has a different girlfriend every new writer, and Kyle is going out with that petite green-shaded Jade. All valid points in undermining my aforementioned topic-o-discussion. But hear me out.

Take the most obvious Robin Hood character in the DC arsenal: The Green Arrow. Not only does dear, dear Ollie have/had the attention of the blond-wigged bombshell Black Canary, he also has been known to bump around with other, more mysterious females on the side.

Let's start with his relationship with the Canary. Did those two ever get married? My point exactly! Ollie is so smooth, he should be labeled the bad-boy of DC. He's got more moves than the Flash with a few drinks in him and more "Grrr" than Lobo with a sure thing. Sure, GA and BC might be rocky at the moment, but give the man a break, he's been dead.

How many other women has Ollie had flings with? Too many for me to count that's for sure. And I'm sure GA had some women off-panel that even us steady viewers hasn't seen. The guy has a woman in every major DC city I'd bet. Do you know where Ma Kent keeps company when Pa Kent ends up missing and presumed dead? Me neither, but don't be surprised if a little green cap is found at the old Kent farm some lonely nights. Can we say a younger blond brother for Clark?

Speaking of Ollie's offspring, let's talk about Connor Hawke. Despite stupid rumors of Connor being gay, we all know despite his experience level with the opposite sex, he is very much straight (dare I say it?) as an arrow. Doh, even I felt that one. Sorry!

Connor has shown feelings for the feminine persuasion, and his tastes aren't bad after all. Once Ollie takes his naive son and brings him to a few of the seedier sides of Star City, New York, and Gotham, he'll have him properly trained in the style and sophistication it takes to be one of the headliners there at DC.

Then there is Arsenal, or as some of the ladies used to call him, Speedy. Now, you don't think he got that name for his quick delivery of an arrow, did you? Despite the reputation, Speedy was known as a teen to have bloomed early and he let it be known that he was here to play. There is still that rumor that his earlier drug lifestyle was a total fabrication, and instead his addictions were more of the sexual nature. He may have spent many years in a rehabilitation center for a problem no one knew he really had, a habit he learned from his blond-bearded guardian!

The Green Arrow sure has taught those near him the "archers ways", that I'm sure of. Perhaps it is the legend of the Bowman that makes these characters so love-crazy? The Bowmen of the past have all been larger-than-life characters, men whose gallant and noble causes have swooned men and women alike into thinking that these figures were sexy, rogue-ish, and desired. Much like the rock-star image of today's youth, the badboys of the past were all in fact knights, lawmen, and yes, archers.

And just cause you are a female doesn't make you any less irresistible, like Shado and Moonbow--both known to keep time above and beyond the average tight-wearing hero/heroine. I saw Moonbow last week going out with her old nemesis Firestorm and things looked like they had matured some since their last encounter. I wager it won't be long till writers of a new Firestorm include a little surprise bundle of joy.

Since my knowledge of Arrowette is rather limited, I leave it for others to determine whether this young bowsmith has any signs of living up to the great ones. I have heard rumors though . . .

Regardless, it has been scientifically proven that starting with Oliver Queen until now, if you have a bow in the DC universe, you've got it made when it comes to good lovin'. If only in real life that was the case, then thousands of comic readers would drop their favorite fifteen-minute read and pick up the familiar tools of the hunt. Cupid's arrow, here they come!

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