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THE DAILY PLANET
50 cents August 4, 1998
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WHILE THE WORLD SLEEPS
Metropolis -
I don't mean to sound negative when I say this, but what is the point of producing a newspaper when the entire world is sleeping? That is what I found myself thinking today as I traveled to work. It seems that people have fallen asleep all over the city, and no attempts to wake them have worked. This reporter has seen reports on television that this has not affected the entire world, but a vast majority of it. It would appear that most of Metropolis simply fell asleep between 9 p.m. and 10 p.m. Eastern standard time. This has caused numerous car accidents all over the city, as everyone simply fell asleep at the wheel. It was frightful to walk down the streets and see people sleeping all over the place. This reporter did however, see Superman still flying the skies of Metropolis in an attempt to solve this latest problem.
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An attempt was made by this reporter to contact the Justice League Headquarters, but no answer was available. This may mean our heroes on the moon are affected, just like the rest of us, or they're searching for the answers to this problem. One can only hope a solution can be found quickly, because without nourishment, these sleeping bodies won't last long. Those of you that are still awake should contact the police; an attempt is being made to have all local citizens gather in a safe place. The local authorities are concerned that some citizens might take advantage of this would like to stop any crime before they can be committed. It is once again up to Superman to save his city in the time of need, and based on his past records hopefully the dilemma will pass quickly and without incident.
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THE FASTEST WEDDING EVER -- COMING SOON!
Keystone City -
Wally West, a.k.a. [The Flash], and reporter Linda Park have announced their plans to be married. In what is sure to be a public spectacle, the wedding of these two well-known Keystone City figures will take place on August 4th, 1998 at Keystone National Park. The Flash, who has saved Keystone City many times over, has agreed to have a public wedding, rather than a private ceremony and expects upwards of 50,000 people to attend. That will make this wedding one of the largest of all-time. One can only hope that everything goes according to plan, but the Justice League will also be in attendance to prevent anyone from disrupting the ceremony. All of the Flash's enemies over the years would surely love to rain on West's parade. So the plans are underway. In little over a month the world will witness the wedding of a superhero, something almost never seen. West will be the first Flash to be publicly married. The original Flash didn't reveal his real name, Jay Garrick, until he and his wife, Joan, were married for several years. The second Flash, Barry Allen, had a secret identity that wasn't revealed until some time after his death, whereupon the public learned that he had been married for many years to Iris West. Of course, a secret identity didn't prevent Allen from standing up as best man (in full costume) in the first public wedding of a superhero, that of his best friend Ralph "Elongated Man" Dibny.
Photo courtesy The Dearbon Library Other superheroes have been married in lower-profile weddings that were disclosed to the public later. Aquaman and Metamorpho were wed (to women, not each other) in ceremonies attended only by close friends, despite their public identities. Most importantly, of course, this will be a wedding between two people who truly love each other. The Flash has helped save this planet time and time again. One wonders if married life will have any impact his crime-fighting career. Only time will tell.
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Warriors Possibly to Open Again
New York City -
Warriors, the popular superhero bar and theme restaurant owned by Guy Gardner, may open again following three weeks of repairs. Despite a successful first year of high attendance, the business has suffered from extensive closings and expensive repairs. Out of 12 months of operation, Warriors has been open a total of 29 weeks. The rest of the time, it has been rebuilding from devastating superhero brawls and supervillain confrontations. The alien bounty hunter, Lobo, has caused major structural damage on three separate occasions. The building has suffered from fires, laser blasts, electrical damage, explosions, excessive magnetism, reversed gravity, dimensional instability, molecular transmutation into a giant plastic pair of fuzzy dice, and one instance of being "un-imagined" out of existence by the Brotherhood of Dada. The turbulent history of Warriors has also damaged hopes of turning it into a franchise akin to Planet Hollywood; indeed, the few franchises which have opened have had even worse records. Warriors-Miami became infested with Durlans who had been hiding since the Invasion had stranded them in Cuba. Warriors-Rio de Janiero disappeared for an entire week; when it reappeared, the survivors told a harrowing tale of their being stranded on a planet in the Alpha Centauri system. Guy Gardner assures his visitors that the problems are over and guests can now expect a quiet evening.
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MAJESTIC THEATER PRESENTS ALL NIGHT SCI-FI MARATHON!
This Saturday, at the Majestic Theater, see some of the best Sci-fi Movies ever made! Starting at 8 p.m. and running right through till 8 a.m., the Majestic Theater presents an all night sci-fi spectacular. Included in the showings: Planet of the Zombies, Invasion 55, Night of the Blue Devil, Blue Harvest 2, and Mutant Holocaust. Admission is only $8.50 per person, and viewers are invited to wear the costumes of their favorite science fiction heroes. All viewers in costume will be able to participate in the science fiction spectacular costume contest, which will take place during the intermission of each movie. Fans will get to vote on their favorite costume and the winners will receive free movies at the Majestic Theater for a full year. So come one, come all! Doors open at 7 p.m. and the movie starts at 8 p.m. sharp. Enjoy! |
All characters are © DC Comics
All scanned artwork is © DC Comics.
This column is © 1998 by Ed Dillon.
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