| Speed Force month! The Flash is by far the
coolest superhero around, with by far the most useful superpower
of any hero. Superspeed! Think about it! He can act before you
can even think! And his power works on so many more levels!
Don't believe me? Read on! It doesn't just apply to Wally, but
to almost every other speedster out there, as well!
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HONORABLE
MENTION:
Living a Legacy - As long as you call yourself "Flash",
"Kid Flash", use the word "Flash" in your name, or even claim
to be related to The Flash himself, you'll find yourself accepted
as a hero among the world! Well, that's as long as you can get
someone to vouch for you…
Memorials - Every speedster gets a luxurious memorial
when he/she dies, and every speedster gets a spot in the grand
Flash Museum -- as long as it isn't busy being destroyed by
some enraged villain.
Running on Water - Pretty nifty, eh? Being a speedster
means that you can run so fast that you won't have time to sink!
Not even Aquaman can cross the ocean in the blink of an eye!
Food for Thought - Some speedsters enjoy the Mercury
look and have the added convenience of being able to eat wherever
he/she is -- the silver hat on their head also works as a great
food dish!
Ultimate Frisbee - Oh, and the hat can be used in so
many more ways!
City-Wide Infatuation - Wally West was known to have
an entire city in California fall in love with him -- who knows,
it could happen to ANY speedster! (Just forget the fact that
Wally's city was flooded and destroyed!)
Wild Imaginations - Being a speedster means that imaginary
friends from your childhood may appear later on in your life
to help you save your planet from a universal threat! Exhilerating
thought, huh? |
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The Top
Twelve
1 Time
Travel - Whether you're using the time treadmill or you're
skimming the speed force, being able to go back in time and
inspire yourself as a little kid to hang in there is a neat
trick! Speedsters get all the fun of having villains they've
killed show up later in their lives, even though to the villains
themselves they may have never met before! And how would you
like to fight alongside your descendants to rid the timeline
of a universal threat? Simply fantastic!
2 Alternate
Timelines - Only in "The Flash" are you able to meet an
alternate version of yourself without actually breaching the
limits of Hypertime (according to Mr. Waid, the "Dark Flash"
story does not involve his new, twisted, "multiple Earths" theory).
Not only is our Earth getting visits from alternate timeliners,
but apparently Wally now has the ability to reach other Earths
through the Speed Force!
3 Super
Metabolism - Eat all you want and burn off the calories
in thirty minutes or less! Need I say more?
4 Condensed
Speed Force Costume - Getting tired of those unappealing
tears and holes you keep acquiring every time you go up against
Doomsday? Simply get one of these costumes and not only will
it instantly fix itself, but you'll never have to lug around
an extra suitcase! The condensed Speed Force costume changes
into whatever attire your thoughts can command!
5 Speed
Reading - Nothing like studying for finals in 12 seconds
flat so you can keep your mind on more important things, like
that certain someone special, or the giant ape that's about
to smash your head in!
6 Mathematic
Applications - Those crazy calculus courses you took all
through high school and college, combined with the few things
you learned from chemistry, allows you to come up with cool
formulas like "3X2(9YZ)4A" that will not only make you look
faster, but also make you look like you know what you're doing.
All that tuition finally pays off!
7 Being
a Ladies' Man - Gaining access to the Speed Force ensures
that you'll meet plenty members of the opposite sex, and they
might even return in your future to make an attempt at your
life! While some, like Tina McGee, may remain valuable allies,
others, such as Frances Kane or Lady Flash, simply go crazy
over losing you and may even seek training under Savitar simply
to get revenge!
8 Vibrating
Through Solid Objects - Most people look like idiots when
they run straight for a wall, but if you've got the speed, then
you've got no worries! Most speedsters can simply vibrate their
molecules and pass through most solid objects. Of course, about
1 in 10 speedsters end up destroying the object they pass through,
causing it to explode with energy. However, this can be viewed
as yet another advantage.
9 Unknown
Relatives - Becoming a speedster means that you'll have
other speedsters popping up from the past, future, or even from
other existences calling you by "Cousin", "Nephew", or even
"Dad"!
10 Cunning
Villains - Not every speedster-enemy is himself an actual
speedster, so he/she has to make up for that with intricate
plots that will leave speed as a pointless trait or maybe even
a threat to the hero.
11 Impersonations
- Speedsters always get good laughs when they impersonate
each other. Some great times were had when Eobard Thawne made
everyone think that he was Barry Allen and went back in time
to torment Wally. Oh, yeah, and then there's this whole thing
with Walter West, the Dark Flash. His crazy antics will surely
leave SOME sort of whimsical scar in everyone's funny bone.
The other speedsters usually take turns impersonating The Flash
when he's out of town or not in condition to run.
12 Roundtrip
Tickets to the Speed Force - No matter how many times you
enter the Speed Force, making that traumatic journey to the
place where most don't return, you'll always be able to come
back as long as you've got an anchor of some sort. It's more
romantic if this anchor is a soul partner of some sort, but
I like to imagine that a big bowl of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
is reason enough for anyone to return from heaven. |
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Runner Ups:
Evil Twins - Almost as funny as having an impersonator, but
this time your actual flesh and blood comes at you with a vengeance,
creating a millenium of senseless havoc.
Team Membership - Whether it's with the JLA or the Titans,
being part of something larger always gives you the chance to make
yourself known, flirt with the team leader, or to simply make wisecracks
about Green Lantern behind his back!
Super Friends - No matter what, you can't say you won't
have friends to watch your back as a speedster. People like Piper
can hook you up with any technological device you may need, and
the McGees can run any lab tests you may need. Once you're in the
biz, it's like the help finds YOU!
Cheap Construction Bills - Putting back together a town
you've inadvertently destroyed in a brawl will give you the experience
you need to someday build your own home(s) in under 30 seconds --
all by yourself!
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Low on the
Totem Pole:
Inexperienced Speed Force Travel - When you first travel
near/to the Speed Force, you may find yourself actually turning into
a form of energy upon returning to the normal realm. This could ruin
your chances of making up to your girlfriend for being so strangely
out-of-the-ordinary lately.
Flirting With the Devil - Neron is not one to be played
with, yet being a speedster sometimes means being forced to do his
dance. Fortunately you'll only lose your girlfriend for a couple
days, and then when Neron sees how happy you were together he'll
learn to play nice… until he decides he wants the power of the
Spectre.
Haircuts - Big bucks to keep cutting the big hair, my
impulsive friend.
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Losers:
Big Feet - And what's worse -- the big feet that come with
the big hair! Have a fun time trying to run to your full ability when
you can't even see the ground you're touching.
Bathroom Breaks - I just realized this: If The Flash is constantly
eating to keep up with his metabolism… aaaah.. nevermind. I just
think it'd be a little distracting in the middle of a bargain with
Neron to have to find some little corner in Hell real quick.
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