Lex Luthor Runs For President!

Billionaire Endorsed by R. Rich, S. McDuck

Metropolis - In a move that has stunned the Democrat and Republican Parties, billionaire industrialist Lex Luthor of Metropolis has announced that he will seek the presidency in the 2000 elections. This will fill the power-crazy, manipulative zillionaire spot which has been vacant so far this election year.

Despite questions of Luthor's suitability as a leader, endorsements have rolled in, especially from big business leaders anxious for Luthor's proposed reforms. On Tuesday, two of America's wealthiest citizens, Richard Rich and Scrooge McDuck, threw their votes behind Lex Luthor.

Richard Rich, father of renowned adventurer Richie Rich, vows that he will vote for Luthor in all six states covered by the Rich Mansion. "It will mean venturing into some of the less-used wings of the Rich Mansion…and the solid gold jewel-encrusted rocket monorail will need to be in perfect order for me to reach all those different voting booths on Election Day…but it'll be worth it if it puts Luthor in the White House."

Richard Rich had originally supported Democrat Al Gore, but withdrew support after hearing Gore's criticism of solid gold vehicles as "wasteful gas hogs."

Scrooge McDuck's endorsement arrived after Luthor promised a repeal of the controversial Estate Tax, which McDuck termed "hideous and cruel." "Wak!" he added.

"Lex Luthor is the one candidate who understands that the rich do work for a living. Sure, we may have three cubic acres of cash, but that doesn't mean we're lollygaggers coasting through life. For every Gladstone Gander, there's ten souls like me who've worked for every cent they own," Scrooge McDuck stated from a news conference at his famous money bin. Duckberg's famous umpty-squazillionaire held his encased number one dime as he spoke.

"My money was made on the high seas, and the mines, and the frontiers of this wonderful nation. I came here in 1902 with nothing in my pocket. This lucky dime here was the start of my fortunes. But under existing U.S. law, my nephew Donald will only get a half-lucky nickle back when the I.R.S. is done with my estate."

"The bulk of my fortune should go to my great-nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie, not Unca Sam! I've already paid taxes on all my earnings the first time I made it. The thought that, when I die, Unca Sam cracks open the Oso Safe door on my vault, gloms onto my hard-earned cash for no better reason than envy, and then my family only inherits 1.5 cubic acres of money just isn't fair!" raved the feathered Fortune 500 leader.

Asked what was so bad about the confiscatory death tax, enacted by Congress to force charitable donations and protect against inherited money elites, McDuck elaborated. "You just can't swim in 1.5 cubic acres. It dinna have the wave-forms necessary for body-surfing! I found that out when the Beagle Boys snatched half of my fortune using a vacuum hose hauled by trained squirrels. I came in for my morning dip and nearly broke my neck!"

Collection of an estate by the tax man is also hampered by the form of various assets. A person with an estate of $100 million doesn't necessarily have $50 million in cash for the tax collector. Critics argue that many working families have to sell family businesses in order to pay the government its share.

In McDuck's case, there are even worse difficulties. The bulk of McDuck's fortune now lies in a cave beneath Scrooge's money bin, where it is being retrieved by a small electric toy train.

"At the rate my money is being retrieved, I cannot possibly pay the U.S. Government its 50% share any sooner than the year 2185. Maybe by then we'll have a fairer tax system anyway!"

Luthor has also pledged to defeat the pending "First Dime Earned In Every Estate Tax" Bill currently proposed by congresswoman M. DeSpell (D-Fantasyland). The bill, which would seize all coins first earned by wealthy citizens and submit them for review by Ms. DeSpell, has been harshly fought by McDuck's lobbyists.

McDuck himself has drawn heat for calling the congresswoman "a witch." McDuck has denied any sexism in this claim. "No, she really is a witch! It's just another of her plots to get my #1 dime and melt it down into a magical amulet. I bet she's not even a member of Congress!"

Lex Luthor has yet to choose a running mate, and McDuck was quick to weigh in on the matter. "I think the time is right to choose a waterfowl as a vice president," McDuck said.

"America is more and more tolerant of animals on tickets. I can tell you that Luthor's choice of a bird as his running mate would guarantee the votes of ducks everywhere. It would be a visible show of tolerance and acceptance, a sign that society has improved since the days that Jesse Jackson could refer to Duckberg as "Quacktown" and get away with it!

Your Opinions

Lex Luthor has been a benefactor and a wanted criminal. He has played a major part in the building, destruction and advancement of Metropolis, and was instrumental in the rebuilding of Gotham City. There have been numerous suspicious rumors about Luthor, but nothing proven. DCU Digest wonders: Is he fit to be President of the United States? Here's what you are saying:

"I think it's important that America start judging people on their records instead of being such snoops. I mean, Luthor's done a lot for this country. Maybe he has tried to kill Superman. So a few employees go missing now and then. So what? Quit poking into people's personal lives!"

J. Jonah Jameson, newspaper editor

"Considering he's probably paying the lion's share of the government's revenue anyway, he already owns the U.S. in principle. May as well make him C.E.O."

Dr. Ed Thompson, Lexcorp employee

"He's the cat who's where it's at! Give it up for the cueball, make him the eight ball and he'll clean up this bumper pool table we call the USA!"

Funky Flashman, agent

"That's a tough question. I honestly don't think that the country would go to hell under his management. After all, for all that Lex Luthor is, his company has done amazingly well. He employs hundreds of thousands of people…maybe millions worldwide. And that company has helped America prosper and has led the world in positive developments. I have the use of my limbs today because of LexCorp. At the same time, all of that comes with a price, and the price is giving power to Lex Luthor. Is prosperity the only justification we need for allowing a power-monger to sit in the White House. Some say yes, some say no. America will do well under Lex Luthor. You need to ask yourself, 'Is it worth it?'"

Jose Delgado, youth worker

"Under Lex Luthor, America will be a police state that scorns the Bill of Rights, persecutes and kills innocent people, allows the elite to break laws with impunity, denigrates women and makes policy all based on what's beneficial to the guy in the Oval Office. I'm happy to see someone is carrying on the Clinton legacy."

Link Rambaugh, talk show host

"The poor guy lost his daughter. I think we should cheer him up by putting him in the Oval Office. Lex is so handsome and strong, and he really cares about children."

Soccer mom who drove away in her Suburban before giving her name

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